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P’s dad passed away one year ago from cancer. His co-worker’s wife was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer this summer that had already metastasized. One of his dearest friends started chemotherapy for lymphoma at Christmas-time. Suddenly cancer is everywhere. We’re not unique, but it’s landed leadenly in our lives this year.
As our loved ones undergo hard, painful treatments, there’s an undercurrent of sadness and fear that runs through our lives right now. I’m ashamed to say it, but for me the heaviness of it comes and goes. I’m at a remove from it all. These folks are really more P’s friends than mine. I never met his dad. So I’m able to go to work, make my dinner, ride my bike, and be happy in the day to day. Then, it rises up. Someone says something that makes me think of our friends. I remember it’s chemo day. I see it in P’s eyes. That’s when I feel it most. I can’t say anything wise or insightful. Mostly I just try to be present, but here are some resources that we’ve come across that seem to help. Maybe they’ll speak to you, or someone you know, too.
If you’re ready to cry, watch One Week. It’s quite good, and portrays one young man’s struggle to accept a dire prognosis. For me, the movie was more cathartic than practically helpful–a way of accessing some of the fear and sadness that we don’t know how to deal with on a daily basis. It’s also just a beautiful film: stunning photography, gorgeous shots of Canada’s landscape, and some real, hard, touching relationships.
We’re reading Anticancer, by David Servan-Schreiber. It is easy to read and very informative. In fact, it’s fascinating. I’m learning all kinds of things about how cancer works in the body, what an epidemic it’s become, and also that there’s WAY more we can do about it than I ever knew.
I thought that genetics were the biggest determining factor if an individual was to develop cancer or not. Turns out, what we eat, how much we exercise, what chemicals we are exposed to, and even how happy we are, all influence whether or not cancer will develop, and if it does develop, these factors can make a big difference on the healing process.
Finally, here are some life lessons for all of us from cancer survivors. These are from an article by Lissa Rankin MD, called “10 Things I Learned From People Who Survive Cancer” on the site Crazy Sexy Life. I encourage you to check out both the post and the site in situ, but these are too good not to re-post. So pardon the copy & paste and read them now.
1. Be unapologetically YOU. People who survive cancer get feisty. They walk around bald in shopping malls and roll their eyes if people look at them funny. They say what they think. They laugh often. They don’t make excuses. They wear purple muumuus when they want to.
2. Don’t take shit from people. People who survive cancer stop trying to please everybody. They give up caring what everybody else thinks. If you might die in a year anyway (and every single one of us could), who gives a flip if your great aunt Gertrude is going to cut you out of her will unless you kiss her ass?
3. Learn to say no. People with cancer say no when they don’t feel like going to the gala. They avoid gatherings when they’d prefer to be alone. They don’t let themselves get pressured into doing things they really don’t want to do.
4. Get angry. Then get over it. People who survive cancer get in your face. They question you. They feel their anger. They refuse to be doormats. They demand respect. They feel it. Then they forgive. They let go. They surrender. They don’t stay pissed. They release resentment.
5. Don’t obsess about beauty. People who survive cancer no longer worry about whether they have perfect hair, whether their makeup looks spotless, or whether their boobs are perky enough. They’re happy just to have boobs (if they still do). They’re happy to be alive in their skin, even if it’s wrinkled.
6. Do it now. Stop deferring happiness. People who survive cancer realize that you can’t wait until you kick the bucket to do what you’re dying to do. Quit that soul-sucking job now. Leave that deadbeat husband. Prioritize joy. They live like they mean it.
7. Say “I love you” often. People who survive cancer leave no words left unspoken. You never know when your time is up. Don’t risk having someone you love not know it.
8. Take care of your body. People who survive cancer have a whole new appreciation for health. Those who haven’t been there may take it for granted. So stop smoking. Eat healthy. Drink in moderation. Maintain a healthy weight. Avoid putting toxic poisons in your God pod. Get enough sleep.
9. Prioritize freedom. People who survive cancer know that being a workaholic isn’t the answer. Money can’t buy health. Security doesn’t matter if you’re six feet under. Sixteen hours a day of being a stress monster is only going to make you sick. As Tim Ferriss writes in “The 4-Hour Workweek,” “Gold is getting old. The New Rich are those who abandon the deferred-life plan and create luxury lifestyles in the present using the currency of the New Rich: time and mobility.”
10. Take risks. People who survive cancer have faced their fear and told it to go to hell. They know life is for living. Fear is powerless. And joy lies in taking risks. So go skydiving if you want. Bungee jump. Hang glide. Spend your savings. Live like you might die tomorrow.
